This is a painful moment for half of America. That should matter to the other half

On the night of Trump’s first victory in 2016, conservative woman Caitlin Quattromani sensed that her liberal friend Lauran Arledge down the street was hurting. There wasn’t anything she could do to make her friend’s fears and frustrations evaporate. But, Caitlin decided to at least send this text:
For years after, Lauran would recount how meaningful this unlikely comfort from her political opposite was — strengthening their friendship in the same moment so many others were feeling newly estranged. “Where there could so easily have been weeks and months of awkwardness and unspoken hostility,” she said, this message reminded her “we can make it through this.”
The emotional shock over the last 24 hours is equally real for many Americans after a second Trump victory. After weeks of prognostications about “razor thin” margins, few expected a result this clear or this quickly.
Yet the sudden clarity of results adds to the sting of defeat for those who had dearly hoped for a Harris victory. Soon after 10 in the evening, New York Times columnist Michelle Goldberg conceded it wasn’t looking good for her preferred candidate — admitting “there’s obviously been no repudiation of Trump, which fills me with unutterable despair.”
The level of fear and sorrow has been palpable in many parts of the country. In an article about the “nightmare” Democrats feel like they’re living through again, one former Democratic party official said, “It is beyond any words I can use to describe.”
“For every person excited about Trump returning to the White House and carrying the Republican banner,” my colleague Jennifer Graham wrote this morning, “there is a neighbor or a family member genuinely afraid about where America goes from here.”
A friend in New York texted me this morning, “I would appreciate your prayers for the safety of me and all other trans and gender nonconforming people over the coming years.”
I don’t share my friend’s belief that his life will be personally threatened during Trump’s reign. But since I care about this individual, his fear really matters to me — making me want to somehow carry it in proxy.
According to expert Bessel Van der Kolk, the true definition of “trauma” is when an experience exceeds and overwhelms our normal capacity to cope or process it.
If we care for the well-being of our nation as a whole, the aching disappointment and distress of close to 66 million Americans should matter — including if you’re one who is celebrating Trump’s victory.
Sometimes just having someone aware of the pain we’re feeling makes it a little less painful. Scientifically speaking, empathy has been shown to help in “enabling (the) sharing of experiences, needs, and desires between individuals” and “providing an emotional bridge” in a way that helps strengthen attachment and healthy bonds in a community.
In addition to sorrow and fear, many others this week are just plain confused. After hearing about Trump’s language about uniting the country in his victory speech, Liz Joyner admits, “to me, that feels unfathomable.” After working for a decade trying to bring liberals and conservatives together at The Village Square, this national peacemaker says, “I cannot grasp why the majority of Americans can possibly be voting for someone who wants to break us apart — who does it syllable-by-syllable day-by-day.”
This fear, sorrow and confusion are naturally connected to larger beliefs people have about what will, or won’t happen, now that Trump will be returning to power. The debate about how legitimate these fears are will continue as the democratic transition proceeds.
What’s not disputable is the fact that many people are hurting right now — with an emotional burden that’s real and heavy. That includes religious voters in Utah who are feeling deflated. “If not for an absolute trust in Jesus, I would be in despair this morning,” Wally Goddard told me, a devoted Latter-day Saint who voted for Harris after concluding that she best represented the decency and character of someone he’d want to be leading the nation.
“My view is we’re in the Lord’s hands. It’s hard to imagine what this would be like without that hope,” he admitted — “because then there’s nothing to hold onto.”
For those not currently feeling this kind of higher reassurance, hopefully they can feel encouraged by the real human beings around them in the weeks ahead. No matter how you voted, make sure we’re one of those people this week.